“We are all of us stars, and we deserve to twinkle.” - MM

Marilyn Monroe was a complicated and tragic figure- like many of us. She did her best to keep it

together, and gave us some wonderfully inspirational quotes in the process;

“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”
― Marilyn Monroe

This particular quotes is one of my all time favorites because it seems to encompass many aspects of life as a woman in her 20s. I find that one of the biggest struggles of being a woman in her 20s is simply not always feeling like I have someone to share in her struggles with. This quote reminds me that these problems have existed for decades, if not centuries.

When I had sort of a life changing, heart breaking experience this last August... I turned to this quote to remind myself that life is what you make of it. I had to remind myself that I am in control of my destiny, and that the people who will get me through it are my real soulmates. It reminded me that its okay to fail, its just what you do with the failure that goes on to define you. And while I still struggle to get ahold of myself after this event that resulted from poor decision making, I remember that there truly are more things in life to keep a smile on my face.

I appreciate reading this quote because it reminds me of what is important. I have friends who have truly been through hell with me. Friends who have put their lives on hold because I was hurting, and in return I gladly made and will make again the same sacrifice. These women will one day be by my side at my wedding. (It seems weird to say that so definitely because I often say "if I ever get married..." but this quote reminds me that it won't happen if I don't keep my eyes out looking for that one guy who will be my equal, my partner, my support, the love of my life, I will never find him.)

As I continue to grow up, grow as a person, a friend, a woman, I will remind myself that I have to keep picking myself up and keep believing in myself. Even when that feels impossible- because Marilyn was right. If we don't believe in ourselves- who will?

Photo taken from the late PostSecret App. RIP.

Anne Conway- Response to Marilyn Monroe quote

“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”

~Marilyn Monroe

It has been a challenging few months; however, I have found some internal peace (still a work in progress) and I am still hopeful for the future. I like the first part of this quote because I firmly believe in taking responsibility for your life- the elements that you have control over, and accepting the elements that you do not have control over. I believe that it is important to “mess up” sometimes. Messing up can result in significant personal growth.

As I am on this journey of self-discovery, I have been contemplating my various friendships. I have found myself, over this past year, distancing myself from some of the more toxic relationships. I need to figure out how to navigate my future interactions with these friends. I tend to feel extremely empathetic- although this can be a positive trait, it has the potential to become extremely detrimental to my emotional wellbeing when I get too emotionally invested in individuals who do not take care of themselves or reciprocate said emotional support. I will keep you posted on any developments or insights.

As previously posted, I have had my heart broken several times. I am trying to focus my energy on taking care of myself and getting to the best emotional place possible- I do not believe that you should wait for someone to rescue you- rescue yourself!!

I am also working on resilience and self-confidence. I am certainly open to suggestions in all areas.

For those of you interested in self-growth, I would highly recommend listening to Tara Brach’s podcasts http://tarabrach.com/  You can also download them on itunes for free by subscribing to her podcast. Check it out!!

Life is beautiful, interesting, messy, sometimes sad, and often unexpected. I think it is worthwhile to smile, foster relationships, laugh, pursue passions, and dream big :)

Anne Conway- Cheap Christmas Gift Ideas

Gift giving is not about how much you spend, it really is the thought that counts!

Step one: Set a budget! Remain mindful of your budget throughout the season. Step two: Do your research- make a list of recipients and your gift ideas/ prices

Many retail websites allow you to search by price- I would highly recommend Pier 1 and Target for your gift selection- be sure you check that the item is in-stock at your local store (shipping can be expensive).

Also, google “coupons” for the stores you are interested in for great weekly sales. Example: You can find promo codes for Victoria’s Secret online.

Depending on the recipient, do not underestimate the dollar store/ the dollar section at target. My sister is a student teacher and she was able to put together bags full of Christmas goodies for 28 students spending only $30 (total). This can also work for themed gift baskets/ bags



Tube of ornaments= $1 at Target. My sister attached ornaments to her gift bags for her students

Homemade desserts are another great idea! People love yummy treats!!

Buying in bulk can also result in great deals! This only works if you have several people that would appreciate the same type of gift. Ex: a set of mugs or photo frames that you can separate and give to different people. In the past, I have decorated picture frames for friends; this can be a really neat/ personalized gift.

Don’t be afraid to get creative- if you have a skill run with it. I like to knit- so I made a scarf for my mom this year. Scrap books are also a great idea.

Part of the scarf I made for my mom

The Grinch Tried to Eat My Christmas Tree... So I Punched Him Out.

So Anne and I wanted to share some of our favorite ideas for cheap Christmas presents. If you don't celebrate Christmas, that's okay too! Our ideas are meant to translate to cheap gifts for all occasions.

A few years ago I decided to start making holiday/birthday/thank you/etc. cards myself since buying them can be so darned expensive. I buy my supplies at Michael's craft stores in their "dollar card making supplies section." This way, you can buy a pack of blank cards and supplies for less than $10 depending on how fancy you want to get. I find that when you invest in the stamps and ink they can go a long way and shave down costs in the long run. I like to spice up my holiday greetings by putting funny sayings in the cards unlike the usual heart-felt holiday crap like "I wish you the gift of faith the blessing of hope, and peace of His blah blah blah..." Instead I opt for greetings like "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, had a very shiny nose, and if you ever saw it, you're either drunk or at the North Pole!" This gives my friends a good chuckle and gives my cards the opportunity to stand out against the crowd.

Generally when I have too many people to buy for or I am low on cash, I opt for the home-made present route.

I did some digging on the internet to find some good new ideas this year, and I found two that I've become quite fond of. I made both of my parents calendars on my computer and a few of my friends marble magnets.

To make the calendars, I used a Microsoft Publisher template and used colors I thought represented that month or season. I had also intended on putting in family birthdays, holidays, important events, etc., but I got low on time.

My mom got married this October, so for hers I used almost all pictures from the wedding. For my dad's... it was a bit more challenging. My dad lives 3000 miles away so pictures were pretty limited (well that and he eloped so I didn't have something as conveienet as professional wedding photographs to borrow from).

Here are some examples from my mom's calendar:

I had these printed out and bound at my local copy shop for $.15 a piece of paper (x12). All in all it cost me about 4 hours of time and $10 a piece for binding, upgraded paper, etc.

The second idea I found was to make marble magnets. To do this, I used old calendars for the pictures, and bought the flat sided marbles from the Dollar Store (about 20/package). The magnets came in packages of 8 for $2.49 from Joann's Fabric (methinks you could probably find them cheaper, but I live in no-man's-land...). I also used cheap craft glue, but if I did it again I would probably use silcon glue (which I also couldn't find).

The first thing I did was trace the image I chose around the marble (using the back "preview" pictures on the calendar got the most picture-bang-for-my-buck). I then cut out the pictures and put a dollop of glue in the middle of the picture. I pressed down firmly and was able to watch the glue spread evenly over the picture. I then turned the marble upside down (back of picture up) and allowed it to dry overnight. I then put a dollop of glue on the magnet and let that dry overnight. They sell metal gift card boxes at the Dollar Store that are perfectly sized for a set of 8 of these magnets, but none were Christmas themed so I skipped it this time.

Here is an example of an art themed set I did from an old Van Gogh calendar.

Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah!!!!

Anne Conway- On Love:

I am not going to lie; this was an emotionally exhausting post. I did just about everything I could think of to avoid sitting down to write this. To date, I have five ex-boyfriends. My parents had a terrible marriage (divorced) - i.e. I do not have any memories of them being happy together- so it is important to me to work toward positive relationships. I will admit that I read “self-help” books. One book had an exercise where it asked the reader to define what they want or expect from a relationship. As I have never taken the time to consciously define this, I think that this is a good place for me to start. Yes, I made a table :).

These are my expectations and wants from a relationship/ partner (not in order):

·   Healthy relationship ·   Views relationships as an equal partnership ·   Is supportive and allows me to reciprocate ·   Honest ·   Open ·   Trusting ·   Trustworthy ·   Kind ·   Compassionate ·   Respectful ·   Love ·   Laughter, humor, playful ·   Intellectually stimulating ·   Good sexual chemistry ·   Intimacy ·   Integrity ·   Follows through- if you say you are going to do something, you do it ·   Considerate ·   Good communication -Physical and emotional needs are met

·   Willing and able to have respectful adult conversations regarding any conflicts that may arise- in a timely manner ·   Includes me in important aspects of his life- friends, family, hobbies, etc ·   Wants to be included in important aspects of my life, but also respects the fact that sometimes I want alone time or to spend time alone with friends and family (balance) ·   Positive attitude ·   Motivated ·   Active ·   Able to express feelings ·   Good listener ·   Not hung-up on an ex- girlfriend ·   Patient ·   Makes an effort to maintain the relationship ·   Feel appreciated ·   Want to spend time together ·   We are each growing as individuals as the relationship is growing ·   We both feel that we can be ourselves

I recognize that knowing what a healthy relationship is, and the ability to be healthy in a relationship are two important but different things. I am working on it, though I have a tendency to select emotionally unavailable men. I think I always hope for the best but expect the worst in relationships. It is often as if I am waiting for the ceiling to fall on my head or for the floor to drop. Because I have been hurt and disappointed before, sometimes I look for problems or create them in my head (Note: this is a bad and dangerous habit- I am just used to being letdown).

Steve was my first boyfriend. I was fifteen, a sophomore, gangly, and awkward. He was eighteen, a senior, charming, and outgoing. Our first date was on Valentine’s Day. I was, in a word, smitten. He took me to senior prom on my sixteenth birthday and told me that he loved me. Steve had a burning need to constantly be the center of attention. Therefore, if he was not getting attention from me he was getting attention from some other girl. I tried to ignore it at first, but it hurt my feelings and challenged my ability to trust him. He was also fiercely opinionated and often harshly condemned my actions and beliefs, if they differed from his. Eventually, I realized that I wanted my life to go in a different direction and broke things off. We managed to remain friends for several years after that until he became a bit creepy and possessive forcing me to cut him out of my life completely.

Then there was sweet Derrick. Derrick was beyond nice. However, the more time I spent with him, the more I realized that I did not like him as much as he liked me. I felt as though he was always throwing himself on the ground and asking me to walk all over him. That was not the partnership I was looking for and I broke things off. I believe that this really hurt him, and I am deeply sorry.

Ohhhh the college years. Well, I dated around a bit, but there were two significant boyfriends. The first was Nathan. Nathan was smart, sweet, funny, and we had a lot in common. I loved him. At age nineteen, in the romantic setting of my dorm room I lost my virginity to Nathan. It was the right time for me, and I have no regrets. The more time I spent with Nathan the more I realized our differences, and although I loved him, I knew that I was not going to marry him. He was not supportive and I was concerned about his drug and alcohol consumption. When I tried to discuss concerns with him, it always ended badly. Then a met Jarrod (very sleazy smooth operator) who pursued me despite knowing that I had a boyfriend. He was exciting and I developed a crush on him. When I explained this to Nathan, he became enraged and that was the night our relationship ended. I handled the situation poorly and take full responsibility for the pain I caused him. I have always wished that I could make it right.

Nathan was followed by Rick. Rick is what is commonly referred to as “the good on paper guy.” He was polite, charming, good looking, accomplished, and had a wonderful way of saying exactly what I wanted to hear exactly when I needed to hear it. Rick could talk anyone into anything. It took me years to see his manipulation and lies. He lied to me about everything and cheated on me without me even realizing it was happening- he was smooth and I was oblivious. There were more apparent problems. Example: he would not let me meet his friends, or family, or include me on anything that was important to him. In addition, he was looking for a 1950s stepford wife… he believed that males should be the “bread winners” and dominate the relationship. My strong personality and personal goals emasculated him and he often struck back by trying to make me look and feel inferior. He wanted to get married immediately after graduation and to start making babies! I wanted to move to D.C., attend graduate school, and start a career. AKA obvious differences. Despite all of that, when he called me at 2am on a Wednesday over our summer vacation to tell me that he wanted to go on a “break” (p.s. wtf is a break) I did not take it well. Then a month later, when he derelationshiped me on facebook and put up pictures of him and his ex-girlfriend in swimsuits and sexually suggestive poses I really did not take it well. His behavior post breakup earned him the nickname “Douchebag Asshole Face” or “Douchebag” for short. I had been hurt before but this was the first time I had my heart broken. It took me months to get over this. I learned a lot about what I do not want from this experience.

Now, to talk about THE EX. For all of the Sex and the City fans, this is my Mr. Big. Big and I met 4.5 years ago while working for the same company. We became friends, then best friends, then more than friends, then best friends trying to pretend like they were not more than friends, then more than friends… you get the idea. He is smart, kind, funny, compassionate, supportive, loving, and in my biased opinion wonderful. He inspires me to want to be a better person and challenges me to grow as an individual. I feel like I have a light inside of me that shines brighter in his presence and with his influence. On the negative side, our timing has always been absolutely TERRIBLE!!!! And, he has a significant amount of emotional baggage, poor communication skills, and an inability to directly discuss emotional issues without being forced. His emotional baggage became a barrier to him letting me or anyone else in. Despite this, I feel a chemistry and a connection to him that I have never felt before. I wish there was a word beyond “love” to describe how I feel about him. He loves me too. But about three months ago he decided that he needs to work through all of the emotional baggage from his childhood and recent past relationships. He wants to do this alone without the possibility of using me as an emotional crutch. Although, I respect and understand his decision, I hate it. So, for the past three months we have had no communication (except for randomly bumping into each other on the street once). We went from talking all day every day to silence and it is so hard. The last time we talked he was in a terrible place and I really want to know that he is ok but am not contacting him out of respect for his boundaries. I miss him so much- the other day I googled him (it was a big embarrassing waste of time that did not yield any information regarding his emotional state). We did not decide if we would ever talk again, and I believe that if we do he has to initiate it. On a positive note, this time apart has inspired me to explore my own emotional and spiritual development and has yielded some good results.

Also, he just went on a two-week vacation to Australia (he planned this before we stopped talking) to decide if he wants to move there… the other side of the world- very much like the actual Mr. Big (when he moves to Paris and then Napa). As embarrassed as I am to say this, I am still totally in love with him and if he were to contact me and say that, he worked through his baggage and was in a healthy place to pursue a relationship; my answer would be “YES!!”  

As I previously mentioned I am unemployed (aside from sporadic temp work), live with my parents, and am in love with my ex-boyfriend- aka my current dating life is nonexistent. I think the only way I could be less attractive would be if I were to stop showering and purchase several cats :). When I am in a better place, I will get back out there, but right now, I need to focus on my needs.

There is love of course. And then there's life, its enemy.

Love is the one great equalizer. It's the one thing that 99.7% of us can relate to. We've all loved and lost. We hold onto what's no longer there and want nothing more than to go back in time and have it back. I feel this is the only place to start our stories.

The love of my life showed up my sophomore year of college. I remember sitting in class looking at him... I wasn't exactly attracted to him at first, but I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was so mysterious... so deep. I wanted to know his story.

It took two years of being nothing but acquaintances to get inside his mind. It all started on a field trip for us. We were camping in the Arizona desert in early March and were freezing our asses off. We cuddled for warmth and both secretly liked it. When we got back to school, we had a sleepover the first night and laid in bed together for half of the next day. This went on for quite some time... we would do nothing but hang out all hours of the night, cuddle, hold each other, and talk. It wasn't until I decided to pick up and move across the country for the summer that things started to change.

One night during our routine sleepovers we were lying nose to nose. Suddenly, he kissed me. It was probably the most passionate kiss I've ever experienced in my life. I was completely consumed by it until it suddenly stopped. He mentioned that we should go to sleep and we didn't kiss again until I returned from California.

My summer away was the turning point for us. I awoke to texts from him almost every morning, talked to him via text message all day... and fell head over heels in love with him. It was intense, passionate, and real. . . And then I came home. I saw him the first night I was home and everything was perfect... then we got back to school.

I have no idea what happened next. It's all sort of a blur but somehow things just changed. Suddenly he was putting space between us and saying terrible, cruel things. Hurtful things that haunt me to this day. I fell apart. I slept every minute of everyday that was not spent in class or doing homework. This went on for over a month until he broke the silence with two words, "I'm sorry." I woke up to this text message and didn't believe it. I went into Anne's room and she confirmed that it was real and that's what it said.

I had reservations about letting him back in, but I was powerless to stop myself. We ended up falling back into our old routine, except this time things were going to be different. I was determined not to let him hurt me again. If only I had been strong enough to stop it...

After months of falling back into our normal routine, I finally got to the point where his hot and cold game was too much for my wounded heart. He snapped at me one last time and I decided it was time to move on. That's when I started dating the guy who I never really liked that much, but deeply cared for. I hate to say it, but I stayed with this guy for a year and a half because it was a distraction from the One who held my heart in a glass jar. When things between the boyfriend and I were coming to an end, the One came back into my life yet again.

We picked right back up where we left off... again Things seemed to come full circle when we found ourselves on another field trip in the Texas desert. We were at the base of a 6,000 foot climb when he told me he had been diagnosed as bi-polar. Suddenly, my heart understood the reasons for all the pain and wanted desperately to yell "WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME THAT?!" But I didn't... instead I just looked at him and said "Up the mountain." Half way up the mountain we were having a minor disagreement about what we were supposed to be doing when he dropped another bombshell. Overlooking the Permian Basin he looked at me and said, "this is why we could never be together, we're both too stubborn." Everything ceased to exist at that moment. I just stared at him and thought to myself that was the biggest bunch of bullshit I had ever heard. Didn't he know I would have done anything to stay with him?! Doesn't he know I would have done anything to make it work?! Why didn't he get this!? What was his problem!?

Fast forward to present day.

This man, the One. . . This imperfect man who has broken my heart over and over again is still the love of my life. We've continued doing the hot and cold thing since it all began in 2008. Last year he had another pissy fit and I deleted him from my phone. That gave me the self control I needed to ignore his existence. A year of silence and I thought it was over. I thought I had moved on. I thought he no longer mattered.

Then he invaded my facebook 8 days ago. What I thought was my house of bricks came crumbling down around me and all it took was a picture... no words, just a picture that only he and I understand. I feel my heart trying to take over, I dream about him constantly, I can't stop wondering how he is and if he misses me...

This time though, I know better. My brain is finally in control of my dum dum of a heart. I can keep dreaming, keep missing, keep wondering. That's okay though, its normal. I know that I still love him, will always love him. No matter what. But I also know I deserve to be with someone

who loves me for me and will be HOT... all the time.

Attached are secrets recovered from the Postsecret iPhone App that spoke to me on this subject. I hope its okay that I share them with you all.

Introduction to Delaney Miller

In the past 16 months I have had more than a few FML moments. Unlike Anne, I didn't have my shit together when I was 18 and I ended up taking the scenic route through college. After finishing up my victory lap at the university Anne and I met at six years ago, it was time to change my life.

I had been dating a guy I didn't really like but deeply cared for for a year and a half before I graduated from undergrad. Four days before graduation I told him that my life was starting, and I no longer felt like I had room for him in it. It was time to spread my wings and become the person I had been dreaming of becoming for years. So, I moved from the NW suburbs of Chicago to rural Idaho. I reside within a thriving metropolis of 20,000 people 98 miles from the nearest interstate. Rural doesn't really begin to describe it.

When I moved to Idaho it was time to start following the plan. Get more exercise. Eat healthier. Support local businesses. Be a straight A student. Forgive my parents. Forgive myself. Forgive my ex (not that ex, THE ex... but I'll get to him later). Learn to love myself. Learn to stand on my own two feet.

It wasn't easy but I took advantage of the desperate loneliness I had to endure when first moving here. I had nothing but time on my hands to take a deep, introspective look at myself. Step by step I acknowledged what step of the plan was next and I did everything I could to achieve the goal I had set for myself. Somehow I found the strength to do all of those things... and more.

Unlike Anne, I have a cookie cutter future. I somehow hit the lottery. I got the job of my choice in less than a month of looking and soon find myself in a very different tax bracket than I've been in my entire life. Unlike Anne, my career choice was not something that will help the world be a better place. In fact, many think I'm The Enemy. The guilt that comes with knowing this is something I will have to deal with.

Come May, I will spend two weeks traveling abroad and then I have to move to Oklahoma City and start working for The Man. This is a great contrast to the "gypsy lifestyle" I've been living for the past eight years. I am scared shitless.

I am a poster child of "It Gets Better." I've had a tough road to get here, but here I am. I promise to share with you the journey I've been on in more detail but for now, just trust that I was not always who and how I am today.

I hope that you find my and Anne's stories relateable. I know this isn't going to be the book of answers we're all looking so desperately for, but Anne and I are real people with real problems and we promise to provide an honest reflection on our lives. We hold a true desire to grow and hopefully this outlet will aid us in finding our final destinations and with any luck, it will help you find your way as well.